This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
