I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
