The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
