9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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