Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize