How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
