She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
