Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
