we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
