I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize