his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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