You're my little dorito
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
