whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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