My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
