And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
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I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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