so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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