Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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