got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
