I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
