bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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