That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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