At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
