I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
