I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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