so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
