And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
