Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
