I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
