i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
