He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
