were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
