I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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