I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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