Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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