Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
