I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
