Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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