I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
