i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
