True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
A+ Viking dick
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
