My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
