the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
