Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
