remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
