My hand turned me down
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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