im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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