look no pants
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
