i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
