I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
