i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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