Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
