i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
