When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
