Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
