It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize