You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
