I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
