I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
