Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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