A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize