How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
