I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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