are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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