Welp...herpes.
i wish my penis had a tongue
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
