oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
