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Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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